Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Some NLP hogwash?

So all of you have heard about positive affirmations, right?

Think Stuart Smalley - " I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me." 


I'm here to tell you that I think positive affirmations are basically full of shiz. why? Because I can hear my own mind cancelling them out. Can't you? You know, there's that OTHER voice in your head that says "yeah right. In you dreams!"  If your other voice is that nice, consider yourself lucky. Sad but true. We all know we should talk nice to ourselves, right? Affirmations should work. So what's the problem here?

Stuart Smalley: [despairing] Listen to me. I'm should-ing all over myself. 

                           Says to self: "I am a cut hunk of burnin' love". Thinks to self: "LIAR!"

Isn't it obvious? We don't believe ourselves. (Refer to the picture of  flabby guy above.) We don't believe it because logically, it doesn't make sense, or because the affirmation is not true (in that actual moment of time). I guess part of us knows that we are lying! Yeah - yeah, our intentions are good, but many a woman marries a man for his good intentions, and that frequently doesn't end well. My therapist told me that in relationships, "You've got what you've got". Ponder that for a moment...


I am reminded of a book I read a few years ago, Law of attraction, by Michael J. Losier. I just went and found it on my bookshelf of NLP books. See pages 58-61 of the book. It actually has a drawing of an overweight guy with a doubtful look on his face as he looks in the mirror and says to himself, "I have a Happy Slender body". (My picture above is better.) I remember when I first read these pages, they rang true for me because I could never fully buy into the positive affirmation thing. I wanted to believe it, I should believe it, but positive affirmations fell short for me. And I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.

So before you tell yourself something like, "I knew it, you looser!", there is a nice way to talk to yourself, and believe yourself at the same time.

To paraphrase the book:
Tell yourself, "I'm in the process of..."

As in: "I'm in the process of enjoying my body more and more".
Instead of:  "I love my body". - (your other voice says) "That's not true, I don't love my body".

You want more examples?

"I'm in the process of creating ideal family relationships".
Instead of:
"All of my family relationships are harmonious." - "That's not true, my family relationships aren't harmonious."

"I'm in the process of having ideal health".
Instead of:
"I have ideal health". - "That's not true, I don't have ideal health."

"I'm in the process of growing my business".
Instead of:
"My business is booming". - "That's not true, my business isn't booming".

I'm in the process of creating...
I'm in the process of enjoying...
I'm in the process of becoming...
I'm in the process of growing...
I'm in the process of having...
I'm in the process of attracting...

Come on, you can do it. Fill in the blanks.

The idea is to make the statement TRUE for YOU. Then you will believe yourself, instead of having your other voice cancel out all the good you are trying to do for yourself! Yea!!! Do the happy dance.

What is NLP anyway? NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming.

In the Oxford English Dictionary, NLP is defined as “a model of interpersonal communication chiefly concerned with the relationship between successful patterns of behavior and the subjective experiences (esp. patterns of thought) underlying them” and “a system of alternative therapy based on this which seeks to educate people in self-awareness and effective communication, and to change their patterns of mental and emotional behavior”.

Yup. that pretty much sums it up. NLP is actually way more fun than it seems like it would be. Fascinating really. I earned my masters in NLP a while back. I'm glad i did it, it made me a better person. I received most of my training at Quantum NLP, in Salt Lake City, Utah. See +http://quantumnlp.net/

These were just some of my random thoughts this morning that I thought I would share with you.
So, with that, I'll leave you with this... Leila.

Daily Affirmation With Stuart Smalley

Stuart Smalley.....Al Franken
.....Michael Jordan

Stuart Smalley V/O: I deserve good things. I am entitled to my share of happiness. I refuse to beat myself up. I am attractive person. I am fun to be with.

Announcer: "Daily Affirmation with Stuart Smalley". Stuart Smalley is a caring nurturer, a member of several 12-step programs, but not a licensed therapist.

[ open on Stuart giving himself a pep talk in his full-length mirror ]

Stuart Smalley: I'm going to do a terrific show today! And I'm gonna help people! Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, doggonit, people like me!

[ turns to camera ]

Hello, I'm Stuart Smalley! Well, I'm still receiving some negative reaction from my show on Pee Wee Herman, titled, "There But For The Grace Of God Go I", and, I have to admit, it's not my best show.. but that's o-kay. I have to give myself permission to do a bad show every now and then. Okay.. for those of you who watch the show regularly, you know that I don't have guests, I always do the show alone.. and that's.. o-kay. But yesterday, my producer said, "Stuart, I can get you a guest that you would be insanenot to have on the show." So I decided to take a risk - in life, you have to take risks - and, today we have a guest.. [ reveal Michael Jordan sitting next to Stuart ] ..and his name is Michael J. - I'll protect your anonymity. Michael is a basketball player for a professional basketball team. Well, that's very good, Michael, you should be very proud of yourself.

Michael Jordan: Well, thank you, Stuart. I am.

Stuart Smalley: Well, good for you! Good for you! Um, Michael.. I know there must be a lot of pressure for you to play very well, and I can imagine that the night before a game, you must lie awake thinking, "I'm not good enough.. everybody's better than me.. I'm not going to score any points.. I have no business playing this game.."

Michael Jordan: Well.. not really.

Stuart Smalley: Michael, denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Michael Jordan: Well.. I do sometimes get a little nervous before important basketballgames.

Stuart Smalley: I thought so. And that's.. o-kay. You're not alone. Believe me, I know what it's like.. laying there alone.. all those tapes rolling: "I'm a fraud.. tomorrow, I'm going to be exposed for what I am, a big imposter.. I just want to curl up and lay in bed all day and eat Fig Newtons."

Michael Jordan: Well.. something like that.

Stuart Smalley: Right. Well, Michael, those negative thoughts are your critical inner thoughts saying those things to you, and I want you to replace those negative thoughts with someting positive - a daily affirmation.

Michael Jordan: Affirmation?

Stuart Smalley: Yes. Now, look in the mirror. Come on, don't look at me. Only youcan help you. [ Michael faces the mirror ] That's it. Say, "Hello, Michael."

Michael Jordan: [ trying to suppress his laughter ] "Hello, Michael."

Stuart Smalley: "I don't have to be a great basketball player.."

Michael Jordan: "I don't have to be a great basketball player.."

Stuart Smalley: "I don't have to dribble the ball fast, or throw the ball into the basket.."

Michael Jordan: "I don't have to dribble the ball fast, or throw the ball into the basket.."

Stuart Smalley: "Because all I have to do is be the best Michael I can be."

Michael Jordan: "All I have to do is be the best Michael I can be."

Stuart Smalley: "Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggonit, people like me!"

Michael Jordan: "Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggonit, people like me!"

Stuart Smalley: Now, don't you feel better?

Michael Jordan: Well, I never really felt bad!

Stuart Smalley: Michael..

Michael Jordan: No, it's true. Stuart, I guess pretty much of the time, I'm a very happy person. I mean, I'm a blessed person - God gave me the talent to play basketball, and I have been able to spread some of that talent, and some of that good feeling, towards everybody, to inspire other people, and help people achieve their dreams.

Stuart Smalley: [ glum ] I am just a fool.. I.. I don't know what I'm doing.. they're gonna cancel the show.. I'm gonna die homeless and penniless and twenty pounds overweight.. and no one will ever love me..

Michael Jordan: Stuart, that's just not true. I think what you say on your show can be very helpful to people.

Stuart Smalley: You think so?

Michael Jordan: Yes! Definitely! I just don't think it helps beating yourself up that way.

Stuart Smalley: You're right. It's just stinking thinking.

Michael Jordan: And, after all, this show is your dream. It's a good dream! Youdeserve to have dreams come true! [ Stuart nods ] Feel better? Would you like a hug?

[ Stuart and Michael hug ]

Stuart Smalley: Thank you, Michael.

Michael Jordan: Thank you, Stuart!

Stuart Smalley: You know what? I think this is the best show I've ever done. And you know what? I deserve it! [ turns to his mirror ] Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, 

See at: +http://snltranscripts.jt.org/91/91asmalley.phtml

Author: Leila Wood.